On a Topic Completely Unrelated to Crafts, Cons, or Cosplay

I just watched this video:  http://www.upworthy.com/a-4-year-old-girl-asked-a-lesbian-if-shes-a-boy-she-responded-the-awesomest-way-possible?c=ufb3.  Which has some very good points about it.  And she is very much correct.  We all have our own closets.  Some people might be down right irritated or irate with some of the things that I am about to write.  Honestly after seeing the video there are somethings that I can't get out of my mind, and my mind needs to be focused on my present situation and improving my future and not things that have happened to me in the past.

I photo of me just before a chamber orchestra concert my final year at Webster University 2012.  Shortly thereafter I received a Bachelor of Art in Music a task that was 10 years for me to achieve. (I was hoping to find a photo from around the time that my story starts, but alas, I don't have any that old on my PC.  Sorry everyone.)

There are 2 things that have irritated me to no end.  First off the people that look at my life during stages where things were going well and tell me, "Your life is so perfect."  The second being feminists that believe in so strongly in rape culture that they call men "Schrodinger's Rapist".  The first group simply isn't looking at all the things that you have had to deal with and overcome to get to the things that you have achieved.  This only really irritates me if after attempting to explain to them that we all have our struggles and "problems" in life, and they still blindly believe that there are people out there that don't.  And, not only that, but you are one of them.  The other group I'll get to after a bit more explaining.

I've always wanted to learn how to defend myself, and as a young girl I would ask my parents if I could take martial arts classes or even a self defense course.  To which I was greeted with, "There will always be a man around to protect you."  Which all in all may be true for some people.  I like to have a positive outlook on life, and I think it would be great if there is at least one person in history that this was true for.  But for me it was not the case.  I did ask, "Well, what if there is no man around?"  The response I got was, "There will ALWAYS be one around."  I didn't even think at the time to ask, "But, what if the man that is suppose to protect me is the one attacking me?"

(I know rip off the band-aid and spit it out already.  Somethings just sound better when there is a bit of explaining first . . . or at least I think so.  Mental perpetration and all of the readers . . . all 5 of you.)  So, here goes . . . I was raped . . . 3 separate occasions . . . by 3 different people . . . in less than a year.  For the most part I keep it a secret.  For starters I don't want it to alter the way people see me and interact with me.  And, secondly I don't want to hurt my parents.  I don't want them to think that they did anything to cause the situation.  In short I didn't want them to blame themselves for what happened to me.  It wasn't their fault.

It happened during my first year as an "adult".  Right out of high school, still trying to figure out life, myself, and the world in general.  The first 2 times it happened I hadn't even gone that far of my own choosing.  So, the experience colored my interactions with people for a while, a long while.  But, I never once blamed every single man the ever walked the Earth.  Why?  Perhaps, because my second attacker was a woman.  (Yes, you read that correctly.  A woman was raped by another woman.)  Perhaps, because I think that everyone is free to act and think according to their own choosing.  Or, maybe because I truly, believe that everyone is different and not everyone would do the same things in those situations.  This is why I don't agree with the "Schrodinger's Rapist" group.  I always counter act it with "Pavlov's Victim".  To which for a long time I was.  I had conditioned myself to be a victim.  I wore the title "victim" like small children wear their favorite outfit.

It took 3 years of training in Aikido to realize the problems with my mindset.  I was under the tutelage of some very great men at Kodama School of Aikido.  Which is also a part of Makoto Aikido Kyokai.  Or at least it was.  Last I heard they had to stop having regular classes which is a shame.  There are some very great lessons to be learned there.

The "victim" image even clouded my marriage.  I don't exactly blame my husband, but I do blame myself for not getting out of a bad situation sooner.  I had been married for less than 6 months when I knew that my marriage would fail.  Not from lack of trying . . . at least on my part.  If I put myself in a situation I will see it through to the end.  But, he had given up on me.  He had given up on trying to help me, understand me, and was blaming me for some of the obstacles I had with intimacy.  My feelings of inadequacy were heightened even more when I was diagnosed with Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome.  The religion I grew up in said it was a woman's duty to provide her husband with children, and here I was faced with the reality that may never happen.  My husband at the time "distanced" himself from me because "he didn't want to be hurt if he lost me".  Yet, he wouldn't listen to me when I said it is a non-lethal condition.

After my husband finally left me.  On the other side of the country from anyone I knew and having not left me establish friendships of my own for 7 years.  That is when I got into conventions, and cosplay.  So, those of you that were going to go into the "Well, if she didn't hang around THOSE type of people she wouldn't have had that happen."  Or the "If you didn't wear THOSE costumes that wouldn't have happened to you."  You can take a hike.  THOSE people and THOSE costumes brought me my friends, and helped me to build a support network that healed me over time.  I know see that I am a worthwhile human being, and that I can be respected for who I am and not what my body has to offer.

There you have it in a very tight nutshell.  There is so much more to the story than that.  But, if you have read this far, I thank you for caring.  I do hope that my story will help other women overcome some of their emotional and mental issues they have from similar situations.  I want to see something good come out of this situation.  So, feel free to share this story if you are moved to do so.

$1.00 Crafting Days

It has been a while since I posted anything.  I have been busy, and quite a few things have changed in my life.  I now have a full time job, I moved twice (in one month no less), and I've returned to school to pursue a second bachelors degree.  At this point in time crafts have been coming in quick little projects that I can get done in one sitting.  I'm still working a few long term projects.  Some of this is due to not having time.  Some of it is due to me making things for my wonderful sister.  Some of it comes from not having any space to make anything (now living in a friend's attic.  Kind of small, but it came prefurnished.  So, are stuff is all in storage . . . including all of my craft stuff minus a few things I had out that I was working on.)  And, some of it is due to not having much money for large craft projects.  I have some plans for some fun things to come once I get a bit more cash flow coming in.  This all leads me to my current post my $1.00 craft days.  >^.^<

Ladybug key chain kit from Target

This was the first one I picked up.  I remember making little bead lizards in middle school, and I saw this I picked it up on a whim.  It was nice to have the afternoon as break.  Plus, it was a good reward for finishing up my homework early one week.

I call this one "Glitter by Number"

I work next to a Dollar Tree.  I often go over there to pick up this to occupy my time during down time at work.  Normally in the form of puzzle books and brain teasers I do on my breaks.  I picked this one up because it reminded me of Dustin and myself.  It is a sticker that has a wax paper back with a stenciled image on it that comes off based on the lines.  Each piece has a number on it based on glitter color.  Take the back off one section at a time and cover it with the corresponding glitter.  After everything is covered in glitter you are left with a glitter picture.

I do apologize for the photos.  My camera is also in storage and I had to you my phone, so they are a we bit blurry.  Things will be interesting for a while, but I think I am okay with that.  Nothing in life is permanent.  I am also figuring out ways to still enjoy my hobbies in my current situation.

Thy Nemesis Becomes You

One of my favorite comics is 9 Chickweed Lane.  There are many reasons I love it.  One being the strong female characters as well as the arts and family themes.  Here is a link to it:  http://www.gocomics.com/9chickweedlane  Something I have always loved about the story line was how the women in their family have alter egos.  They use their alter egos to overcome hardships and difficulties.  Whenever they feel threatened, challenged, or need that little bit of extra strength to undertake a task they switch into their alter ego.  I have been thinking of what my alter ego would be ever since I started reading 9 Chickweed Lane five years ago.

Most people understand that we all have hardships and things that we need to overcome.  Things we struggle with.  Our own personal demons.  They could be anything from board meetings, to paying bills, to overcoming procrastination.  We all have them.  Now take a minute and put all of those things aside.  Go out and have an outing with some good friends or family members and have them help you come up with an alter ego.  This is fine.  They are going to be your side kicks or partners in crime anyway.  You can not be a side kick in your own life.  It doesn't work that way, but you can be a side kick in their lives.  I don't have side kicks.  I have minions, but I do have other people that are on the same villainous league as I am.  We are there to listen and support each other when needed.

Take the time to picture it in your head.  Come up with a name for your alter ego.  Have a motive.  An attack plan.  Design your outfit.  Do it all.  Come up with the ins and outs of your alter ego.  It doesn't have to happen over night.  It took me five years to find mine.

Once you have worked all of that out do what you need to do to become your alter ego.  Wear a bed sheet around your shoulders, speak in a "funny" accent, wear your underwear over your pants and put a belt around the top of your head, strike a funny pose, it will be special to you.  It is your alter ego after all.  Now go back to that thing that was causing you issues before.  It is now your arch nemesis.  You are in an epic battle with it.  It is either you or it, and you shall never lose to your arch nemesis for you are a superhero/villain.

It is a lot easier, isn't it?

You're welcome.

Thy nemesis really does become you.

The power of cute compels you!  <----- My villainous catch phrase

Overcoming Fear and Self Doubt

I love this song.  Besides the sentiments of the song itself, and the fact that it is beautifully done.  The man who song, wrote, and produced this song became one of my favorite people when I learned that he believed that everyone can sing.  His name is Steve McDonald.  He told his student Hollie Smith (the female vocalist in the song) this, and that all anyone needs to do is find a type of music that fits their voice.  Kind of a proof of this point Hollie Smith was 16 years old when she sang this song and produced her own music album with the aid of Steve McDonald.

I'll let that sink in for a moment, and give you some time to ponder the implications.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

The reason I like this analogy so much to explain my personal philosophies is that most of us don't think that we are any good at singing.  And, here is someone who does it professionally saying, "Well, actually you can, and I believe in you."

This really is how I view the world.  I think anyone can do anything that they want to do.  They just need to put their mind to it.  I've done so many things in my life that other people have told me that I couldn't do.  I've overcome obstacles, and physical limitations.  Studies have shown that everyone has the capabilities to learn anything.  The only question is how long it takes a person to learn something.

I've heard numerous people tell me that they don't want to do something, because the "can't do it," or they "aren't good enough."  We all have to start somewhere.  Even I struggle with these feelings from time to time.  The trick is to not give into them.

I don't believe in failure.  I also don't believe in perfection.  I work towards self mastery, and I believe that there is always something that I can improve on.  Things may not work out the way you expect them to on your first attempt, but that does not mean that if you give it a second (or fifteenth) try it won't work out for you.

I believe in you.

Stop Hating on People

There are two things that happened today that spawned this post.  The first is I have a friend who is the mother of a special needs boy.  He is in constant need of special medical attention.  During one of his doctor's appointment someone very rudely informed her that she needed to have plastic surgery done on her son's face, because he looked different.  The little boy isn't even two.  I've been watching her struggle with affording medical bills, and tests.  Watch her joy at little things that parents would normally take for granted (her son being able to roll over or play in the dog food for the first time).  And, then see someone pull a stunt like this is both infuriating and heart breaking.

The second thing that happened today was another friend of mine who just happens to have dark skin and cosplays a lighter skin toned character.  They are a pretty well known cosplayer throughout the mid west.  So, many of you will know who I am talking about.  Ever year to eighteen months goes by and there is a new batch of hate that seems to creep its way into the internet directed toward this person.  I am saddened that there are people out there that even do this to others.  Most if not all of this hatred is coming from people that don't even cosplay.

This is something I through together one nights just for kicks, and the Trigun Badlands Rumble promo their were doing.  FUNimation would make a wanted poster of you in the same style of Vash the Stampede's if you sent them a photo and your name.  I had a bit of fun with it, and combined a lot of stuff together.  Even the chain I have was just left over from another project.  :P

This reminds me of a time that I was at a little get together at a game store.  They were throwing a costume/cosplay party since it was their grand opening.  They even had a costume contest.  I've been sewing since I was 5 years old.  I started making my own clothing at the age of 13, and started making my own costumes around 19.  I've had a bit of practice at it.  Not everyone has that much practice.  I understand that.  There are a lot of people that are interested in making their own cosplays.  There was a young lady at this event that was making her very first cosplay, and wanted to show people the progress she had made.  She told people that she was learning to sew while she made it, and that the costume was incomplete.  Along came some random guy that I've never met that strikes up a conversation with me by completely bashing this poor girls cosplay.  Top to bottom, and he even started bashing her weight (she was a bit more heavy set).  I eventually looked at the guy and said, "She said she was learning, and that was the first things she has ever made.  She is even sewing it by hand."  They guy didn't get the hint that I was defending her, and continued that bashing.  I eventually had to walk away, because he was making me so mad.


Where did the idea come from that people who cosplay want to be told all the things that you find wrong with another person's cosplay?  I understand everyone has to start somewhere.  Even I am still learning.  I constantly learn new tricks and tips that make my garments look better.  Why all of the hate for those that look different?  There will be cosplayers that will make their own variation of a character.  I have another friend that does zombie Disney princesses.  OMG?  You mean that it doesn't have to be 100% accurate?  No, it doesn't.  But, if it isn't 100% accurate that means you support the "sexy cosplayer".  No, no it doesn't.  Why must it be one or the other?  What happened to people just having fun, and doing what they wanted to do?  Have fun, enjoy life, do the things you want to do.  We all have to start somewhere.  You will make mistakes.  And, chances are there will be that one costume that you make that years from now you will never want to show in public, but you won't get rid of because you learned so much while making it.  This happens to all artists in all disciplines.  It okay, and perfectly normal.  And, who's to say that one day you won't remake that costume that you are hiding in the closet.  I bet my chances that you will still keep the original though.  Each costume we make or wear becomes a part of us.

This is something I've been working on for a while.  I've been keeping it somewhat under wraps, but I've been having to do a lot of research and have been talking to a lot of people getting helpful tips and ideas.  This is a wig I will be using for part of it.  Or That is the plan anyway.  This is cosplay.  It doesn't always work out the way you plan it to in the beginning.

Putting on a costume and going out in public requires a lot of courage.  Even more so if you made it yourself.  If there is someone hating on you that isn't in costume keep in mind they don't have the courage to do what you are doing.  Cosplayers put their art on display, and in a way their body as well.  A lot of them use their body as a type of canvas, and their paint is the fabrics they use to make their costumes.  Taking a step outside your front door wearing your very first cosplay can be very difficult indeed.  Be kind to each other.


Just wanting it to be know that I support all types of cosplay, crossplay, skill levels, body types, races, religion, what have you.  It's about having fun.  Not someone ideal of a perfect person.  As I said to my friend with the little boy, look at the person that tells you these things, and say, "You are different too.  We are all different.  We should be spending our energy enjoying the things that make us different, and not on wishing we looked like someone else."

Cosplay Plans as of Today: Subject to Change at any Time

Alright I'm doing it.  I'm finally making an album of planned cosplay projects that people can actually see.  Well . . . at least of the characters and outfits that don't only exist in my head.  There are quite a large number of those sadly.  -_-'

Since cosplay is considered more of an anime thing I'll start there.  Future anime cosplays:

Abel Nightroad from Trinity Blood.  This was the first thing I ever wanted to cosplay.  It will happen one day.  Just working on getting my skills up to the task, and learning how to make armor.  I have plans to do both forms.  Krusnik form will most definitely come after his human form.

Ezra Scarlet from Fairy Tail, Heaven's Wheel Armor

Washu from Tenchi.  I know she has lots of outfits, but this is the one I am must partial too.  "Just call me Little Washu!"

Amelia from Trigun: Badlands Rumble.  If I did this it would be after a lot of other projects sadly, but it is still something I have thought of putting together.

  

Hel from Mythical Detective Loki Ragnarok.  I like the character, but not the outfit so much.  There are reasons I want to cosplay Hel.  Some what undecided about this one.

  

Belldandy from Ah! My Goddess!  I have reasons I want to cosplay her and reasons I don't.  So, this one is kind of up in the air.

Next up I'll go with live action movie cosplays (and technically comic books):

Special Agent Eunice Bloom from Boondock Saints: All Saints Day.

Loki from Thor and The Avengers.  I'm putting this here since I really like this particular outfit.  But, I'm thinking of still doing Loki's female form, and making an outfit that combines aspect of both this and the female Loki from the comics.

Next up is video game cosplays:

Bayonetta from Bayonetta.

Caster from Fate Extra.  I have a different picture of her in a kimono. If I learn that is actual in game art and not fan art I may do that one as well.

Mad Moxxi from Borderlands.

On to other games:

One of the Sisters of Battle from Warhammer 40K.

And finally my plans for art appreciation in cosplay form:

Angel of Justice.  The only indicator I have of the creator is the their divaintART page http://pari0109.deviantart.com/

Rebirth of Elene by Soa Lee.

The new Severeielle, Queen of Shadows by Nene Thomas.

The Queen of Owls by Nene Thomas.

The original Severeielle, Queen of Shadows by Nene Thomas. Perhaps I should have given Nene her own category.  I just love the outfits and designs that she has.

Keep in mind this isn't including fursuits, steampunk, fan inspired outfits, or any original characters.  I also have plans to remake my Chocolate Misu cosplay.  I had a few design flaws in the top, and the arm band I made I found out I was allergic to (or at least it was really itchy).  If I don't loose a few inches off my waistline I won't be able to fit into it anyway.  Working on getting back into shape.  It will happen . . . just slower than I would like it to.  Working on strengthening my back and stomach muscles, and it has helped so much with my slipped disc.  Still working on it, and seeing slight improvements every day.  :D!!

If you happen to have any other coplay ideas for me feel free to make suggestions!  Any and all input is always welcome and encouraged.  >^.^<

Satin Brocade Tunic

I've been talking about it for a month or so, and I finally have everything completed.  I would have had this finished earlier, but I ordered the wrong size of cording to make the frog closures.  It took a week for it to come in, and by then I was working on commissions for people and they took a few week to complete.  That said here the satin brocade tunic.  >^.^<
 

This is the front of the tunic.

I received a gift card from Dustin's brother and his girlfriend for Christmas to a fabric/craft store.  (Awesome gift for any crafter or cosplayer!  I happen to be both.) The fabric for this is how I used the gift card.

I tried to make the tie in the back out of the same satin brocade fabric as the tunic, but turning the fabric right side out after sewing it together stretched and distorted it so much I opted to use the satin fabric I used to make the piping.  The satin fabric is almost the exact same color as the lighter embroidered thread in the brocade, so it still works well.

This was a combination of two different patterns.  One is Simplicity 9868, and the other is Simplicity New Look 6435.  I like both patterns, but unless I'm planning on wearing an undershirt all the time I wouldn't make the jacket from the New Look pattern.  You can tell from the picture on the pattern that the front tends to separate a bit, and there isn't an under flap for modesty built into the pattern.  If you ever plan on making it keep that in mind.  It would be easy to add while making it, but I opted with the more Oriental look of the 9868 pattern for the main body of this particular tunic.  The sleeves I took from the New Look pattern.  I liked the look of the slight flare around the wrists, especially since I was using a stiff satin brocade fabric.  The fabric really doesn't have that much give to it, and having a wider sleeve with make it easier and more comfortable to wear.  Giving more mobility and such.

A close up of the completed frog closures.  You can also get a good look at the piping around the collar and the front opening.

This is the first garment that I've made everything on.  Granted I didn't make the snap on this, but that was the only thing I didn't make myself.  Daunting as that may sound it really didn't take that much extra time to make the piping and the frog closures, and it was well worth it.  The colors look amazing together, and I have a great feeling of pride and accomplishment for having done so.  The New Look pattern calls for piping around the collar and bottom as well as the front.  I took that idea and applied it to this tunic.  I put piping around the collar, the visible flap in the front opening, around the bottom, and at the bottom of the sleeves.  I also lined the inside of the whole tunic with a light weight cotton fabric that I had in storage to help protect that brocade.  (Admit it we all sweat from time to time, and it can damage fabrics as well as the oils in our skin.  Moving on.)  For a closer look at the piping I made, and a tutorial on how to make it yourself take a look at my earlier post A Do-It-Yourself Guide to Making Piping.

The beginnings of a frog closure.  I still need to sew it together to secure the knot.

Both patterns call for four frog closures I opted for two due to the size of the ones that I made.  These aren't the normal ones that you will find in a store.  I wanted something that was unique that fit more with the pattern printed on the fabric.  Besides the only color I could find in a store was black or gold.  Neither fit the color scheme of the tunic well.  I did have to special order the cording online to get the color I wanted, but that is fairly common.

A super close up of the frog closures.  I was hoping to get a better picture of the cording I used to help show the colors in it, but it seems to look a bit like abstract art to me.  A rather fun photo.  :)

I found a frog closure I liked while looking through a friend's book.  I even found a tutorial online explaining how to make them, but I found it way to confusing.  However, I did find a really awesome tutorial on how to make a lovely trivet that I could easily modify to make a frog closure.  Here it is -------->  trivet.  One of these days I may pick up some rope to make the trivet.  I love the way it looks.  I still needed to make the knot or ball at the ends, but I found a simple easy to follow guide for that.  Check it out here --------->  frog closure tutorial.  Now I just need to find a reason to wear it.  >^.~<