I'm in the middle of a personal healing process. It is part of life and we all go through it. Bad things happen we recover and move on. The more craptastic the bad thing is the longer it takes to recover. I'm in the middle of healing from some spectacularly craptastic things. There is a point in time during every healing process I have that I tell myself, "Okay, alright enough of the emotional BS, time to pick up the pieces and fix this!" Hence the song. It seems to capture that feeling almost perfectly.
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| This is me with my friend Jeremy Swan at my very first convention. Picture was taken at NatsuCon in 2010 by Jeff Swan. My very first attempt at a cosplay-esque outfit. Not perfect, but still fun. |
So, how do conventions play into all of this? I'm getting to that. There will be a bit of a back story here. Yes, I'm a nerd. I grew up that way. I love anime, video games, table top gaming, I used to collect Pokemon cards and Magic the Gathering cards, I read comic books and manga, love science and technology, and I've spent more of my life in a library than some people would think is healthy. Yet, this is only part of why I go to cons.
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| This is my first actual character cosplay. I'm dressed as Chocolate Misu from Sorcerer Hunters. Picture taken at Naka Kon 2011 by Larry Knox. (Oh, the horrors of that wig! LOL!) |
I was married from 2003 until 2010. Most people I associate with now don't know this fact about me. I had given up everything for my marriage.
My friends, my family, my dreams, my career goals, and my hopes for the future. Just in an attempt to make my marriage work. My advise to anyone out there. Never give up that much for someone. If a person truly loves you they won't ask you to do so. It was subtle things. If I had plans to go visit my family (I try to at least once a year) then something critical would come up, and I wouldn't be able to go even if I had made the plans well in advance. Toward the end of my relationship I had decided that I at least wanted my family back. I would call my mom and talk to her, or I would sit on the computer and IM my brother. This aggravated my partner to no end. Simply because he didn't know what we were talking about, and I wasn't spending time with him. He couldn't control me, and he wanted to. In the end he told me that he wanted a divorce. There is a bit more to things than that, but I'll save you all the details. In short what he was looking for was arm candy, a maid, and a mistress. When he found out that I wanted a partner that treated me like an equal, and that I had my own thoughts, ideas, and emotions he didn't like it. During the time frame around my divorce (about a year before, and a year after) I was so depressed I would have black outs. I would be in the middle of doing something, and my brain would just shut down. It was weird and completely uncontrollable. It didn't matter where I was or what I was doing. I would just be "gone" for five to ten minutes at a time.
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| Another picture of Chocolate Misu. Still the same wig, but I have replaced it since with a much better one. I still need to remake the arm band and top though. >^.~< Picture taken by IJ Dee-Vo at NatsuCon 2011. |
It was the weekend that my ex was moving out, and neither of us really felt like cooking. We opted to stop in somewhere and pick up something to eat. Of all the places we could go to we picked Little Caesars Pizza. We never ate at Little Caesars Pizza. It was completely out of character for us. While we were waiting for our order they guy behind the counter says, "Hey, you guys going to NatsuCon?" That was the start of my con going. I needed a place to go to find people who had similar interests to me, a place to feel wanted, a place to make friends, a place to help me find myself again. I was completely on the opposite side of the country from my family, and I wasn't in contact with any of my old friends any more. And needless to say I am now good friends with the guy that was behind the counter. Some of my blog readers may even know who he is. >^.^<
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| Me and Dustin. This was my first time wearing my completed Steampunk outfit. Dustin will barrow my Chocolate Misu hat occasionally when I'm not using it. Picture taken at Archon 2011 by Larry Knox. |
I've found all of the things I wanted to at conventions and more. It has helped me heal. I've found more friends and support than I could have ever dreamed of. I've found a place I can go to be myself, and be free of judgement. I've found a new hobby and passion that I can truly get into. And, I've found a man that loves and supports me for who I am, and treats me with respect. When I say that it means a lot to me to have a person in my life. It is true. It wasn't all that long ago that I didn't have anyone by my side. I really do love each and every person that has chosen to make me a part of their life and to be a part of mine. No matter how small that part is. Thank you!
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